Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
