Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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