The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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