I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
