Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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