i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So gin and wine won't be happening again
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
