1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
