Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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