and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
