I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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