My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
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