I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
