I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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