all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He better not be in your backpack
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
