that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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