There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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