Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
