I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
