Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the day after is always just damage control
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
