its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
