I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
