I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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