im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize