Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
