The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize