I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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