I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize