i think my tv is drunk
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
