you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
