Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Your shirt... Was in my pants
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
