Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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