He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize