at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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