I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
