i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
