he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Damn victory sex feels great
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
