pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
