um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
