i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
