i will never coherently bang her
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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