can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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