Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
