There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
