I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
