My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Couch. On fire.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
