sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
