Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
