So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
