I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
