watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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