Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize