the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
