So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
