6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
