last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize