i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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