The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
