I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
