were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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