I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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