Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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