Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
