So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
