my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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