how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
