I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
