drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
