True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
