There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
