scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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